December 19, 2013
The Gift of Gratitude
The holidays are very often a time for families and loved ones to be together. Having a family member absent, in treatment, can bring great challenge and often sadness and other emotions. There is no way around the difficulty of this experience. We live in a culture that encourages us to avoid sadness and difficult emotions at all costs. We are encouraged to distract with media in many forms (tv, music, smart phones, computers, video games etc.). Our national motto could easily be that it is better to look good than to be honest. Too often we focus on the external at the expense of self-care. Good emotional health includes honesty. Honesty warrants identifying and expressing a full range of emotions, including sadness or anxiety. It also warrants expressing and sharing emotions. This can be accomplished in simple discussions with those we trust, journaling, talking to a therapist and attending support groups and certainly in direct communication with absent loved ones.
One of the key benefits of the second nature experience is a change in perspective. One of the changes available is appreciation. Most of us take simple luxuries for granted (e.g. shower, bed, technology, thermostat, appliances, running water). Unfortunately, we also take too many important relationships for granted too often. We live in a culture that doesn’t value gratitude. Part of the gift of second nature is a shift toward gratitude, especially for important and influential people. While the discomfort of separation can’t simply be replaced by a simple re-frame, a shift in how an experience is defined can bring great meaning and lasting happiness. A shift towards gratitude can shift an experience from simply being defined as negative, to something challenging but bringing peace and hope through a more functional definition. Second nature often includes such a shift and definition, from negative and separated to grateful and re-connected. Indeed, the temporary physical separation can foster emotional re-connection.
Let’s strive to appreciate more in our lives and in our relationships with those we love and trust. Let’s climb our metaphoric (and sometimes literal) mountains with honesty and dignity, asking for help along the way and helping when we have strength. Let’s recognize that home is not as much a structure or even physical togetherness, it is most often the process and experience of emotional connection and commitment. May we find peace in the holiday experience and healthy ways to create our emotional home.